CONFESSIONAL

Confession was the most interesting part of the job.

It was also the most revealing.

The setting wasn’t like in the Catholic Church, how you see in movies.

“Father, forgive me for I have sinned.”

However, I think that could have been beneficial for the Protestant church to adopt.

A moment of confession, or admittance, is a vulnerable moment.

However for others it was an easy way to defer responsibility. 

People would enter with pain, grief, sorrow, joy, happiness, celebration, or in need of guidance with an upcoming decision. 

People needed a place to not be judged, a place where their light could be mirrored back to them, even in their dark moments.

A healthy spirituality for all of us to cultivate, is the ability to hold space for pain, and to create space for celebration. 

A pastor’s job is to create a space where everyone gets to experience a moment of not being judged. No matter what you need to say.

I also understand why so many walk around with secrets, with hope, with their doubts, with a story untold.

We have seen the documentaries of vulnerable people being taken advantage of by the church. 

You can do anything you want in the name of “God.”

I often confessed back to people as a way to mirror.

I often ended up pastoring myself.

Responding with a “me too.”

I am human just like you.

Then there is a second group who funds the church.

They are law abiding citizens.

Not sovereign individuals.

People who truly thought they could clear their conscious with god, who were concerned about the afterlife.

As if I could put in a good word with Santa, I mean — Jesus. 

They go to every Bible study, follow every doctrine, they confess every little thing.

They don’t know peace personally, only in theory.

They never figured out that sin actually isn’t against god.

It’s against yourself, and against others.

I found that people who followed the doctrine perfectly only ever confessed surface-level realities. Trivial things.

They could never see that the doctrine was just man-made, that what they believe isn’t actually theirs.

You would ask them what is on their mind and they would just give you a list of responsibilities that made them a good person. They would show you how they are getting all the answers to the test correct.

They judged others the most because they couldn’t let anything go.

The guy that tells me I am going to hell every 2 years on Facebook (why are you still on Facebook?) is experiencing this. His doctrine can’t save him, and the longer he goes without deep confession the more his life is going to feel like hell. 

He can’t fathom everything I have confessed to myself, and to Sara.

I have broken every law, and now I appreciate them. I see their use (mostly).

He can’t fathom freedom. 

I have tons of empathy for him, and people like him.

It takes a lot of work admitting that what you believe may include the things you keep trying to exclude.

Religion, politics, education, etc.

Few people want to admit error in these areas.

I learned as a pastor that awareness is not a formula.

I learned that some just wanted risk and responsibility to be eliminated.

They didn’t confess for any other reason but to defer awareness.

The saddest part of being a pastor was realizing that most people didn’t want truth or anything close to it.

You may have heard of the dead internet theory, you should see what a dead congregation looks like.

It’s trippy.

In the VC world good ideas are invested in from the top.

In the church world old ideas are invested in from the bottom.

Two completely different realities.

If you were sitting in our home office with me and Sara, the only thing we would practice is letting you say little truths out loud. 

So what would you say?